Should I play at my Mothers funeral ?

bobsax

bobsax

Should I play at my Mothers funeral ?
For better or worse my mom was the one that pushed me to succeed in music and I'm very thankful for what she did.
Though not a great financial success I've had a great life so far as a musician and teacher and I feel I should play but I don't know if it's appropriate for an immediate family member to do such a thing.

Has anybody ever played for a parents funeral or seen it happen?
It may depend on the church also. This an Episcopalian church, similar to Catholic.
She joined later in life so I am not a member of the church.
 
I can't say re parents or religion but I played at my grandfather's funeral. My father (his son) doesn't play anything but if he did and wanted to play at the funeral, certainly no one would have a problem with it, just the opposite. Everyone liked that I played. One of my cousins also played. Anyone who wanted to do something was free to do it and even encouraged especially if it was something so nice like playing music. People were very moved by the playing. The following years me and two cousins made it almost a regular thing to play at his memorial as a trio.

I'm sure it's individual and every family should decide what they prefer. IMO any reasonable person wouldn't have a problem with a close family member (or even friend) playing music, which can sometimes be even more emotional than speaking, reading, etc. I can imagine in some funerals it wouldn't work. I think the main decision should be based on if you want and feel like doing this. It can be very good emotionally for you and others from your family.
 
Whatever you decide - don't feel pushed into doing or not doing it. It's your own decision and you shouldn't feel bad if you decline or accept, regardless what others may have to say about it. If it's the right thing for you to do it (or not to do it), then so be it.
It's not all different from reading a text or having a speech, it's just the language we'd choose as musicians.
 
Mine wanted me to, I wouldve if I couldve, but in the end this hardass, funeral-a-day-(& sometimes 2) piper simply wasnt able to keep it together to play her requested tunes. So rather than make an ass of myself & a scene at her celebration, I subbed it out to a good buddy, who, being emotionally unattacehd to it, did a superb job and honoured her wishes expertly.
You gotta weigh the choice yourself: an added burden at this time, im sure; but only you can make it. I;m just relayng my story. My condolences to you & yours.
 
I had returned to sax after a ~30 year break and my teacher, a hard core drunk but awesome player, died of liver failure. His wife was so distraught and setting up his funeral was tough. So I asked her if I could play "Amazing Grace" for him on sax. She fell all over herself to say yes. The song was easy to memorize and I embellished it a bit. I am not a world class musician, but there wasn't a dry eye in the room afterwards, including mine. If it feels right, I say do it. It felt right to me to do this for this professional musician.
 
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Gandalfe said:
... If it feels right, I say do it. It felt right to me to do this for this professional musician.
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Let your heart be your guide. The priest has plenty of latitude within the memorial service for eulogies. This is your tribute to your mother.
 
Twist_Of_Fate said:
Let your heart be your guide. The priest has plenty of latitude within the memorial service for eulogies. This is your tribute to your mother.
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Thanks guys ,
All your comments are very important to me and have helped me to decide.

My heart tells me I should skip the service and perhaps play at the get together after.

Again, thank you all very much.

--bob
 
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