1 - Play this with a Metronome. Your beat is all over the place
Start slowly but play to the metronome. When you don't make any mistakes then slowly increase the speed to the 100-120 bpm
ie, start playing this at say 60bpm. Then when no mistakes, increase to 80, then 100.
2 - Not sure if you have a teacher but your tonguing is very sloppy and needs work. I also know recording over emphasizes this problem sometimes.
3 - To get started, Work on over playing the dynamics.
make the Pianos as softly as your can, and the Fortes more loud and make sure the difference between the two are easily noticeable. And the mf should be in between. As you work on your upper dynamics make sure your don't start slap tonguing.
You have to make this more "Majestic". 1st Measure, The first & third note needs to be more "bell" like (the way when you hit a bell it increases quickly then tapers off) with a slight increase in dynamics up to the long accented top F. Pieces like these can really be marked up on nearly every note on how to play it majestically. Even the 6th measure I would elevate each on beat note a bit to offer some contrast. <== but this is more for an advanced student but a teacher would possible mark this up dependent upon the student.